Summertime

So back in summer of 2010, it was jump-rope rhymes. This morning, my philosophy professor colleague and former pastor was working on the eulogy for someone he barely knows, and it struck me funny that you could write quick little two-line, grossly inappropriate eulogies. Here are my first attempts, and you are invited to share your own in the comments:

Don't get too big a whiff
Your loved one's now a stiff!

Don't hope she sits up
Your loved one's gone tits-up.

Her to-do list? Time to chuck it;
She's hauled off and kicked the bucket!

The coroner's report confirms
Your family member's feeding worms.

Don't get tear-stains on your shirt
She won't notice through the dirt.

Want your dearest? Nope! Can't have her
How to put this? Look -- cadaver!

Don't protest my word belies her;
What's she care? She's fertilizer!

If you'll stop crying one smidge sooner, I'll
Speed things up and end this funeral.