Thursday, November 19, 2015

More childish fun

In order to not seem like an awful person, I have to start with context: this post is about jokes we made while mocking someone's singing. Let me say at the outset ...
  • It was not a student.
  • It was not that the singer was off-key; more that the singer didn't seem to get that the song was over.
  • It is grossly exaggerated for humorous effect. The singing wasn't really that bad. Pretty bad, though.
With that established, we're passing around jokes about someone's bad singing, and the jokes are good enough that I want to keep some of them for posterity. For anonymity's sake, we'll call the bad singer Bob.

  • Bob sang our alma mater, and the earth opened up and swallowed the whole college.
  • At a ball game, Bob sang the Star Spangled Banner, and everyone renounced their citizenship.
  • Bob went scuba diving and sang to the whales, and they beached themselves.
  • Years ago, Bob sang “Rock a Bye Baby,” and it was the first recorded case of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
  • Bob sang “I’ll Fly Away,” and NASA put him on a rocket to Pluto.
  • Bob sang “Do you really want to hurt me?” and Boy George said “More with every note.”
  • Bob sang “We are the world,” and the world said “What do you mean, ‘We?’”
  • Bob sang “Happy Birthday” and the birthday boy climbed back into his mother’s uterus.
  • Bob sang “Help me Rhonda,” and Rhonda suddenly appeared and duct-taped his mouth shut.
  • Bob sang “Santa Claus is coming to town,” and Santa carpet-bombed the whole town with reindeer poop.
  • Bob sang “Jesus Loves Me,” and Jesus said “I think we should see other people.”

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