Quantum

There's something downright Heisenbergian about the question of whether any of us were wanted, or planned, by our parents.

I use that term advisedly because in my case, I both was and wasn't. I know absolutely for sure that I was conceived accidentally, as a result of a failure of birth control. I also know absolutely for sure that my parents wanted me very badly, that they put a lot of planning and thought and patient waiting into the enterprise of bringing me into their household.

I know these things because I'm adopted. My mother has related enough details about the biologicals and their situation that I know my conception was an unwanted surprise. But I also know my parents were fully invested in the project of raising me from moment one.

For most people, the question is cloaked in mystery. It's not an easy topic to take up with one's parents. Amusingly enough, I do know about my pastor, because his father, the pastor emeritus, shared with us the answer to the question in the middle of a sermon. No, they hadn't planned on him. But for the rest, I'm not sure how it could be dropped smoothly into conversation, without kicking up a fair amount of discomfort. And I'm not sure how completely it would be possible to believe a positive answer. It's not possible to accidentally adopt a child, but the only evidence that a borne child was planned and wanted is self-reporting, which is necessarily shaky.

I find nicely ticklish the fact that most people do not know the answer to this question, and at the same time that I do know the answer, and that it's really two answers, and that they're opposites.

I like that. It's just sort of the way the world is.