Credentials

Where's Sarah Palin when you need her? Is there some sort of Palin-911 I can dial?

I've got this neat set of really sharp steak knives, but I hear I'm not allowed to perform surgery on anyone because some elitist liberals decided that you have to actually know things like medicine and human anatomy before you can get a license. That's obviously wrong and evil, because it isn't what I want to hear; if I could only find Sarah, I know she'd give me that warm smile and reassure me that I should be able to do anything that licensed doctors get to do. She'd tell me that studying and learning and mental discipline just turn you into a liberal, and ignorance and insistence are the way to true happiness and goodness. Jesus certainly never would've wanted me to know anything, would He? I need a big ol' fix of Sarah, stat.

I also want to pilot a 747 this afternoon. I don't need flying lessons or anything, do I? Tell Sarah to block out a double appointment for me; this could take a while.